Where Ideas Marinate At Will
Posts tagged Going out
Conversation at Kalendar: We are not on a Schedule
5 years ago
While sitting at a small two-seat table at Kalendar –a charming café on the outer east limit of little Italy—a friend of mine asked me a very interesting question regarding relationships.
‘Mauricio,’ she said after placing her glass of cold Summer enhanced Chardonnay back on the table. ‘Has anyone ever told you are handsome?’ Without hesitation, I said, ‘Why, yes.’ No way I could have hid the glee in my response even if I had tried.
‘No, I meant, as a pick up line.’ I looked down for a moment, ‘Well, you weren’t being specific. In that case, no; at least not by anyone who wasn’t drunk.’ Suddenly I didn’t feel so hot anymore.
‘I see,’ she smiled.
Kalendar is one of those charming jazzy places, a perfect first date location: non committal or threatening but with enough décor, a menu and a sense of cosiness which elevates it a few notches above run-of-the-mill places like Just Desserts or other non-descript cafes littering The Danforth. You just got to love that turn-of-the century Victorian feel that oozes a heft that it is neither uninviting or pretentious.
‘What brought this question forth?’ I wondered. As these are not inquiries I come to expect from platonic friends. ‘Well, this is what happened…’ She took a second long gulp and simply said that she was utterly tired of the dating scene.
She went through the whole ‘been there, done that.’ You see, Kamela my friend was annoyed not so much at the meat markets that have existed since one gender discovered that it could –without a second thought and with much gusto —sexually objectify the other. What bothered her what that after so many dates in her lifetime, the whole dating scene, particularly in its infant stages felt like a string of glorified job interviews: A don’t call us, well call you if you make the cut ideology where Tom, Steve or John were given a set of questions and depending on their (honest; preconceived; or outright Machiavellian) answers would secure at the very least a second date.
With the expectation of some sort of sexual gratification from both parties, of course. But it was now all too routine – even worse— it had the feeling of a job. ‘Isn’t this stuff supposed to be fun with the flirting, and the laughing and the twinkle in the eye?’
‘Called me a romantic,’ I said, ‘but shouldn’t this sort of thing happen more, uh, naturally? I do not think that two people should have to stop conversation flow and open the floor for some generally boring ‘what is your favourite food?’ exposition to occur. That stuff never works, otherwise it starts sounding like a bad Steven Segal movie and look where the guy is now? No one gives a shit.
‘Suggestions?’
‘I would suggest doing the proverbial library, art gallery thing thing. You know finding places where by the mere fact that you are both there automatically speaks –without the need of words if I may add— a lot about each other even when no words have been exchanged.’
‘Sure, this is where sometimes friend hook-ups come in, since they may end up doing the main legwork for you. But since I like to take my fate in my own hands I would rather say: Join a social group, a bowling league, an environmental group, anything to get you out other and finding someone which whom you already are bound to have a number of things in common. Like pets? then do some Humane Society volunteering.’
‘Take me for example, I found one of the loves of my life while taking an English course at U of T. Why? Because I am a geek and I love to read. Chances were that at the very least one cute, well-read and above all intelligent woman would have taken the same class as me. Sure it was a long shot, but no different than going to any martini lounge on a Friday night and I got to read a few good books along the way.’
Kamela took another sip from her glass and gave me a ‘You are so full of shit, you are making it sound too perfect to be true.’
‘To be quite honest,’ I said to balance things out, ‘I remember the pickings to be quite putrid but you know what? I did get lucky and I found someone and even though we went through the: What is your favourite food? And; Which is your favourite movie of all time status quo set of question. I can tell you that it all felt so natural that the job interview motif never entered my head, not even once. I was simply just too happy to know more about this person then feeling that I HAD to ask this questions in order to avoid dating a psychopath.’
‘I am not saying that finding a mate is simple, Kamela.’ I said as I finished my wine. I just think we put too much emphasis on loneliness (or maybe we just get too horny, who knows?) But ultimately, if you are happy without a partner, then who am I to tell you are wrong?
‘Suggestions?’ She demanded again. ‘You want the straight to the point variety?’
‘Hell, yeah.’
‘Do something you would do for free. Nothing stupid, just something that has picked your curiosity and join a group. There are tons of groups like that in Toronto. If you like going for dinner because you love tasting different foods abd drink, then there are tons of groups like that out there. Fencing? I am sure there is something out there. Sailing? I have tried that. Skydiving? Hey, you only live once, particularly if the chute doesn’t open.’
It sounds cliche, but it is always our own selves who seem to keep deterring us from being truly happy. Kamela is a very attractive lady. I am sure she will find someone. I know it, I just who it. Maybe if she wasn’t so pragmatic. Good luck Hon.
If you would like to find more info on Kalendar AND their menu click here.
Cheers!
Bamboo: Now Ultra and Forgotten
5 years ago
I remember long gone summer days when one could leave the city of Toronto by going onto Queen Street. It was possible in one moment to be in the middle of the hustle and ‘tude of downtown and on the next be in a Caribbean oasis where friendly faces were as common as ice cold bottles of Carib beer; And there was a lot of beer.
Once located at 314 Queen West, I speak of course of the now defunct Bamboo: More a laidback sanctuary than a bar and more a private party than a club. With its tacky beach décor and wild colours, it was the type of place where you could earn your chevrons quickly and where it did not take much to become a regular. The managers remembered your name easily and the wait staff would pass knowing smiles as a reminder that you were in a cosy and temperate Shangri-La. This was a place where if you tipped honestly, you get ongoing drink samples ‘on-the-house’ and an unspoken promise of even better service on your next visit.
It was not unheard of to order a round for a stranger just because they were there. As chances were someone had already bought you a round just because you were there. It was an institution that kept on giving.
The rooftop patio at Bamboo was a rarity. A place where suits, artistic types and just about anyone could check the North American rat race at the door and let themselves be people wanting to get some sun. Enjoy a forum where conversation flowed like Appleton rum and if you stayed late enough, catch some calypso, reggae or just about any rhythm that would have your hips jumping for the rest of the night.
Then about four years ago… It came as a total shock to find our favourite hang out was closing its doors. Not due to lack of business, but greed from the landlord. Bamboo’s lease was due and the landlord was trying to capitalize more than they could chew by asking for an arm, a leg, plus the other leg and a few remaining fingers to renew it.
Bamboo’s owners, unable to reach an understanding were forced to relocate to what felt like an ill, third-rate site on Queen’s Quay. What was once an ode to the zest of Caribbean life became a shadowy, sunless pub. Although they shared the same name, the soul of the original Bamboo can be said to have died peacefully on Queen Street West. What carried over was a hollow shell as very few regulars or for that matter even fewer staff ever made the transition.
After two years of limbo, the skeleton crew of the once mighty Bamboo closed its doors, this time without fanfare or much press.
From The Ashes…
…And obviously deeper pockets, Bamboo’s successor flew up from its ashes: Ultra Super Club. An establishment trying hard to channel its predecessors laid back coolness to the point of adding the word ‘Super’ onto its name, as if to make sure we knew it’s special.
Now I am not saying Ultra Super(!) Club is an ugly duckling. The new owners obviously spent a lot of coin making the place look like a fleshed out ad for Wallpaper magazine. Nothing but high-end Ikea looking furniture here, but true coolness comes from a vibe and not just the décor, even if it did help a little.
While trying to be open-minded I commissioned a second expedition to USC in July. The first had been passable at best. However during winter visiting the patio would have been outright stupid and cold, but for those who like to be told the obvious, it was very cold.
I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. Sure it still tries too hard to impress. You can expect a lot of couples and large parties to be there. Also if you are interested in meeting members of the opposite sex, once the music explodes into party mode, the meat market becomes open for business. So if you are single, well, you really can’t go wrong with that. But Bamboo it is not.
Unlike Bamboo, the drinks are on the pricey side. However $6 for a local beer is hardly highway robbery but I guess someone has to pay for the new Ikea décor and in this case that someone is going to be the women who might easily pay $12 for a cocktail. Enjoy.
Sure I have not spoken much about the interior of the place and there is a reason for that. I am focusing on the rooftop patio, but for those who are wondering about the lower floor of USC: It is quite elegant with a lot of red fabrics and a Yorkville feel: Which is generally snooty and pretentious, particularly from the still-not-gorgeous-enough-to-be-models-but-would-like-to-be members of the staff.
It is a good place to hold a summer gathering, but I am sad to inform that Bamboo and what it once represented will not be found in here. Even if it is cleaner, more modern but at the same time, more phoney. Bamboo, you are and will be missed.
Want to check what Bamboo, ahem, Ultra looks like now? Click here.
Become the Organizer of a Social Group
6 years ago
Hello Everyone,
Yes, among my many interests, I have to say that being a ‘Good Samaritan’ is more like a part-time job. Do it sometimes, but like most people out there, our day jobs take a good chunk of our possible time doing our Samaritarian calling. However, not that long ago I found this website while doing some research regarding taking some Spanish classes. The name of it is:
http://www.meetup.com/
Now, for those who know such social sites like Craigslist.org, you will feel right at home. Basically you can create groups in which you can seek, meet, share ideas, heck even date with people you might share common interests with. And that means anything… Whether that is sports, sci-fi fans, avid readers, sewing or if you are looking to find people with whom you can practice a new language. As you can imagine, that is where I came in the picture.
Of course, nothing this good is ever for free. It is free for all members except organizers who have to pay about $20 a month for the right to be organizers. Although Craigslist.org IS FREE, that site’s more anonymous nature might scare a lot of people away. Details like posting your own pictures, name, interests, a bit if a self-description and a message board in Meetup.com make most users more credible and trusting than other sites where users are only referred as ‘User #113337526.’ The current surge of sites like www.lavalife.com easily attest to this. The more details you write about yourself, the more people you meet.
So, taking into consideration that I had not done my good deed of the month, I decided to
become an organizer. The name of my group? “The 23-35 Social Group.” The name really implies to what the main point is. Now I could write about in detail here, but if you live in Toronto, or would like to take a look at how a group in www.meetup.com is normally run, then drop by and do visit. Even better yet, join. So far, the group has been there for about a year now we are about 315 members and growing!
http://newlysingle.meetup.com/450/
Oh, and in case you are wondering about what happened with my Spanish class search, well, you can easily find me in the “Toronto Spanish Speaking Group.” Just look under “Mauricio.”
Cheers!
