Newsbrief: Part I

Avian Flu Claims First A-List Victim

Los Angeles – With the recent outbreak of the avian flu, it was only a matter of time before even the echelon of Hollywood’s A-list would start succumbing to its ill effects.

‘Sure it has been spreading, but no one cared when it was just any feathered chicken or fowl. Don’t we breed them by the millions? Just like rabbits for God’s Sake! But there is only one Big Bird.’ Said a Disney’s spokesperson when referring to the avian’s flu latest victim. ‘Big Bird is currently in our intensive care unit right here at the Disneyland Health Complex, right next to the chamber where we keep Walt’s cryogenically frozen head.’

It seems the famous Sesame Street veteran contracted the virus after experimenting with some Indonesian chickens that might or might have not been infected with the deadly flu-like-virus. ‘We warned him,’ said his publicist Peter Buevo ‘It was no secret he had his fallacies, we all do, but his philandering was just out of control! I mean…Indonesian chickens? Someone had to draw a line, but you just don’t go toe to toe with a seven-foot-nine bird who simply hates being wrong. I recall Cookie Monster being a pretty bright guy until BB got through mashing his head in with Oscar the Grouch’s garbage can. Everyone knows you don’t cross the Big Bird on anything unless you have some serious backup or packing heat.’

Doctors at the DHC say he might pull through but his chances are still pretty flighty. Disney has full ownership of Sesame Street, its employees along with Waltz’s head.

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