Newsbriefs: Part III

Harp­er Uncana­di­an: He ‘Dis­likes’ Hock­ey

Reuters- A bar­rage of civ­il unrest has ran amok in Harper’s old rid­ing of Cal­gary West after it was dis­cov­ered that Harp­er ‘dis­likes’ Hock­ey. The ver­bal trav­es­ty was pre­sum­ably heard by Harper’s cousin’s best friend’s girl­friend at the annu­al Harp­er Keg­ger par­ty held at Stephen’s home­town of Toron­to.

Accord­ing to reports, an anony­mous par­ty mem­ber chan­nel-surfed the TV to a hock­ey game; Harp­er was then heard to have shout­ed ‘I dis­like that!’

‘Even though I was drunk and Harper’s wasn’t fac­ing the TV, and some of the guys were try­ing to fun­nel some whiskey down his mouth, I am sure he heard Don Cherry’s play by play. He knew what was going on.’ Said Harper’s cousin’s best friend’s girl­friend, who asked to remain anony­mous due to pos­si­ble retal­i­a­tion, ‘I am afraid for my tax return, I have a feel­ing I am not going to get any mon­ey back this year.’

In Cal­gary West the pub­lic out­cry has been more severe, with dozens of par­ty mem­bers look­ing angry, rum­bling among them­selves but doing noth­ing about it.
‘Sure he is the new Prime Min­is­ter and had grounds to be ecsta­t­ic and I heard that he had to be wast­ed after hav­ing all those body shots. I mean, had he said that some­thing about Lacrosse, maybe even curl­ing, we would under­stand, but Hock­ey? That un-Cana­di­an! I just do not know who he is any­more, except maybe a Lib­er­al hip­pie. Next he will say gay mar­riage is okay, for Christ’s sake!’ said a dis­grun­tled Chris Stro­vin­sky, now an ex-Harp­er sup­port­er.