Menu

Ideas Marinating Blog

Newsbriefs: Part II

How to be an Internet Playa!

It was only a matter of time before technology and the human mating dance met face to face, went out for a few drinks and ended up in a Super 8. The result? A cyber-jungle of IM services plus a volley of single, dating and discrete encounters sites. A scene not much different than the de-humanizing meat-markets found in any half lit nightclub, it seemed like things were just going to be business as usual.

BUT WAIT!
With the invention of that great equalizer known as the Internet, it is finally irrelevant if you are shy or if your friends call you a Picasso come to life!

THERE IS MORE!
Now not only the ludicrously hot (not you) and extroverted can enjoy the sinful pleasures of straying into the fancy of multiple partners, whether you like it or not!

BUT WAIT!
‘How does this remarkable system, undoubtedly created by a sage in the arts of seduction works,’ you ask?

Simple, I made it a personal quest to travel the world, hopping from frisky Jamaica, to romantic Paris and to the more laissez-faire city of Amsterdam to collect research. The rest of Europe, Asia, and Africa were also on the itinerary—somewhere— but unfortunately, I got as far as mythical London, Ontario before running out of funds and forced to use a Money-Mart to buy the bus trip home. Either way, after ten minutes of Googling, I was able to extract the elixir to create this revolutionary system.

WOW, I AM GETTING A LITTLE EXCITED!
Yes, and you should be.

TELL ME MORE!
As part of your guide into history, you will receive my smouldering ‘How to be an Internet Player’ guide, smack full of essays and ‘how-to’ nuggets. Such as:

Chapter I:
Don’t offer to buy her a drink, you stupid.
Chapter III:
Typos as the lubricant of Internet love.
Chapter VI (a):
Stretching the truth is just another way of saying ‘I like you.’
Chapter VI (b):
Instant Messengers are crude forms of communication, so what if you said you are 6’3’?
Chapter VI (c):
Having a six pack means different things to different people. How to just go with it.
Chapter IIX:
Ask her which Hollywood star she thinks is hot; then tell her you just happen to be his look-alike! If you have any qualms with this, refer to Chapter II.
Chapter X:
How come the women on the Lavalife dating website don’t look anything like the ones in the commercials? The mystery explained!
Chapter XIII:
How to type with only your left hand.
Chapter XX:
So, she ended up being a man? How to just go with it.

THIS IS PURE GOLD… I AM SALIVATING!
Yes, but there is more! Aside this soon to-be New York best seller, you will also get my 24\7 email support in case you have any questions. Yes, I will personally read and analyze your concerns and will advise in a true mentor like fashion. Send me your questions and orders to: Sendmeyourmoney@techemail.com

IS THERE A CATCH?
Are diamonds ever free? Most women have to get married just to get one. But don’t worry; you don’t have to marry me. I will settle for only five easy payments of $19.95! Yes! Benefit from my lack of pride! You will be enjoying the benefits of this brilliant system in no time, whether you like it or not!

Newsbrief: Part I

Avian Flu Claims First A-List Victim

Los Angeles – With the recent outbreak of the avian flu, it was only a matter of time before even the echelon of Hollywood’s A-list would start succumbing to its ill effects.

‘Sure it has been spreading, but no one cared when it was just any feathered chicken or fowl. Don’t we breed them by the millions? Just like rabbits for God’s Sake! But there is only one Big Bird.’ Said a Disney’s spokesperson when referring to the avian’s flu latest victim. ‘Big Bird is currently in our intensive care unit right here at the Disneyland Health Complex, right next to the chamber where we keep Walt’s cryogenically frozen head.’

It seems the famous Sesame Street veteran contracted the virus after experimenting with some Indonesian chickens that might or might have not been infected with the deadly flu-like-virus. ‘We warned him,’ said his publicist Peter Buevo ‘It was no secret he had his fallacies, we all do, but his philandering was just out of control! I mean…Indonesian chickens? Someone had to draw a line, but you just don’t go toe to toe with a seven-foot-nine bird who simply hates being wrong. I recall Cookie Monster being a pretty bright guy until BB got through mashing his head in with Oscar the Grouch’s garbage can. Everyone knows you don’t cross the Big Bird on anything unless you have some serious backup or packing heat.’

Doctors at the DHC say he might pull through but his chances are still pretty flighty. Disney has full ownership of Sesame Street, its employees along with Waltz’s head.

3 in 1: Just coming back… Happy New Year! Goowy… an online desktop for those on go!

Ah, how time flies when you have a blog. I have been away for quite sometime. New Year’s was great. Went to Niagara Falls and had a blast. Won’t go into the details but it was one of the better New Year’s in the last couple of years. Besides, I really dislike doing the club thing. Not my cup of tea. Too much of a meat market ideology, everybody trying to pick everybody, besides, one pays upwards of $80 to enter a club that normally would cost $10 and for what? A few snacks and a cheap glass of bubbly at midnight? Come on… and throw in the fact that you are mostly surrounded by strangers? Really, there are better ways of ringing in the New Year.

Okay on another note, I work for a bank and as such they like to block as much Internet access as possible. I am sure most other workplaces are the same or pretty similar. Also, they are not very keen on us installing any software on their machines. Okay, I sort of respect that, they are a business and they do not want their employees messing up their machines. However, did I mention that I am an Email admin? Well, they like to block all of us. Particularly tech people, since we are the sneaky ones who might try to get something by the system.

So, that is what I am doing. Sure, I am not installing anything on my machine, as a lot of companies out there are pretty vigilant and that would be wrong **cough**—they keep a record of what we install—**cough** However, I have found this app that gives you the power to have an “Online” desktop that you can pretty much carry everywhere you go. That way, you can access it from any machine that has Internet access. You got email (inbox is 2Gigs!), a calendar, RSS feeds, weather, and pretty much anything else you can imagine. Sure Yahoo and others do the same but a lot of companies block such obvious solutions. Also it would be a crime not to use it, particularly since it is free! So here give it a try, Google the name ‘Goowy’ read a review and enjoy the newest fad. Desktop on the go!

Oh, or if you are the impatient type, then just click here, and create and account and be one of the cool-geek kids!

This is dedicated to those tech (Read: Geek) friends of mine who say I never share anything good and cutting edge when I find it.

A Bruck-Zen Moment II

Stage: College subway station about a block from my place, catching up with a friend while she waited for a Streetcar. I had not seen in her for a few months but I had just given her my still valid TTC day pass.

‘…And that’s what the note said in the book I went to pick up today… I thought it peculiar.’
(Read: ‘A bishop, a belcher and Stevie’ in the December archives)
She looked blankly at me for a few seconds.
‘You know, you are weird.’
‘Huh? What did you say?’
‘You are weird Mauricio.’
‘…Because I told you about what happened to me with the book?’
She then proceeded to tap me lightly on my chest.
‘Thank you for not dating me.’
‘Huh?’ (She had a thing for me at the beginning of ’05)
Some awkward silence followed.
Weird? Like weird?’ I said holding my tongue, although I was starting to warm it up in case she maelstrom-ed on me.
Then the streetcar came.
‘Okay bye,’ she said as she tapped my shoulder. ‘Thanks for the day pass.’
Yes, I got I annoyed. So I said it like it is:
‘I see, this coming from a woman who married a Dominican after knowing him for less than two weeks at one-week intervals throughout the summer and is now trying to bring him to Canada under the pretence that he will love you forever? In case you are wondering, I am not the one importing a husband. So be careful who you call weird. Measure your words.’

She gave me a look that reeked to disdain as she left for her street car. Mmm, I doubt she will be calling anytime soon.