The night Gentleman-hood might have lost a Believer.

‘She tried to make you feel guilty?’ I asked my friend Alex.
He nodded. ‘Wow, how do you feel about it?’ I could tell it was bothering him.
‘I assume that you’re not talking anymore?’
He nodded again.
It was peculiar –I had to admit it— but funny. In a horrible sort of way funny.

Okay, so here is what happened:

My friend goes to a birthday party of an old female friend at this place on Queen St. West called…well, let’s keep the actual name out, as you never know who might one day be reading this.

The birthday party was going well as pints, martinis, cigarettes and pictures were getting drunk, smoked and taken. Everyone was smiling and communal. It sounded like a pretty good party to me. Soon, after a few drinks everyone was everyone’s good old friend and it is normally then when some men, after having just a bit of ‘liquid-courage’ will approach the one girl in the party that might have caught their eye.

‘So, how do you know Suzanne?’ was his opening question to the cute blonde who was smiling with a welcoming smile reserved for only close friends or those who we instinctually find sexually appealing. There was obviously some attraction happening there. ‘And then what happened?’

They talked, laughed and flirted themselves from the rest of the pack and into a quiet corner of the lounge. He found out about her job, aspirations and even about her pet dog Mildred. It sounded promising.

Alex although not shy with women in the least, barely ever shares any info about his private life, even to me and I have known the guy forever. This girl, let’s call her Lisa, had really made an impression on him.

So it was no surprise when the party finally died down and everybody was outside wondering what to do with the rest of the night. They both agreed to take their leave together.

‘I was going east and so was she, so I thought me and Lisa could walk until we went our separate ways.’ That’s nice, walk with her and get to know her better I thought. We have all been there, you meet someone you get along so well you find yourself wishing for the night not to end. ‘It felt really good. At one point she said her hands were cold and put her right hand in my coat pocket along with mine. We were holding hands and hoping it no one would notice our connection. We said good-bye to the few smokers who were still deciding where to go and started walking.’

This was getting more interesting by the minute. ‘Aha, go on…and then?’

After walking for about twenty minutes, she decided that it was time to let me know she was married and her husband was waiting at home.

‘Just like that?!’
‘Just like that…’
‘Like that?’
‘Oh. That sucks. What did you do?
‘Aside feeling foolish and weird, well, nothing…I wasn’t sure what to do.’
‘So what did you do?’
‘We kept on walking.’
‘Ah. Not much talking then, eh?’
‘Unless you are into that sort of thing…’
‘Shut up.’

So kept on walking they did until the proverbial fork on the road came. Knowing Alex, I am sure he was happy when that happened –I mean— who wouldn’t? But the night wasn’t quite over yet. Lisa then asked since it was so late if he could be kind enough to walk her home, eight blocks away.

Which leads us back to what was bothering Alex. He felt bad for leaving a woman in the middle of the city at 3:00am even if she was married. I mean, technically that didn’t change the fact that he was leaving her in a deserted street. But what would happen if he walked her with her husband at home? Can you imagine it?

What did he do? You ask?
He refused. He declined and told her that he would only walk her if she needed to, but that she could now easily take a taxi. She wasn’t to far from home and it would avoid the possible serious consequences of the mixture of two men and a very flirtatious wife.
She in turn was said a cold ‘Fine!” and walked in separate directions.

But that wasn’t the end of it. A few days later…Alex told he had spoken with Suzanne and confirmed that Lisa was in fact married. He also told me he spoken with Lisa, as it turns out she had given him her business card too. In their short conversation she called him as being less than a gentleman and a looser for leaving her. I begged Alex to tell me if he reminded Lisa she had kept the fact that she was married until the very end. That would have been what I would call a counter-check, but no, our boy failed to do so. She also said that she was going to tell all her friends –Suzanne included— of his ‘fake’ behaviour towards women and then hanged up. Ah, the drama of today’s battle of the sexes.

Do I believe this whole story? Hey, why not? It sounds too good to be made up. All the facts came from the horse’s mouth, but of course for the sake off all involved I did change the names as in the end it takes nothing from it all. Also I did ask for permission to post this, what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t ask first?

In the end, what could I do but to tell my Alex that everything will work out? Will this change his ways? Well, I sure hope he doesn’t again to him or anyone for that matter. Since to all who reads this will know the underlying themes that were going on the minds of these two at least for some of the time. Do I agree with their actions? I have my opinions, but hey, I am just the messenger. Don’ shoot me.

One Response

  1. Kyle M. says:

    It’s not uncommon for “the horse” to change the details of the events of its own story, either by changing micro-details or delivering it with tailored energy.

    We never get the truth unless we are there to witness it ourselves.

    Sure the information about the husband came at an awkward point in the evening, and perhaps had your friend found out sooner he wouldn’t have walked with her at all and we never hear of it.

    It sounds to me, however, your friend responded to the news that she was married with bitter energy.

    One of the biggest complaints women have about meeting men is that they (the men) are too outcome dependent. They enter interactions with women with a particular goal or outcome in mind (usually sex). Then, when things start to look like they might not be going that way, men start to show their true colours.

    Sure, even if a man has a chance at sleeping with his target, she will often still test him in ways to find out how he might react after receiving a signal that he won’t.

    This woman could have just been enjoying the way she was FEELING while hanging out/walking with your friend. A sign, men will often take, as an indicator of interest. And perhaps it was.

    We’ve all been there, though, in these moments of “right place, wrong time” or sometimes, even, “right PERSON, wrong time”.

    This woman might have believed the circumstances were safe. Her new friend could have walked her home, or to the corner of her street, where they could have given each other that look of “maybe in some other life”, leaving only the ideals of the other hurt.

    Your friend says that, instead, he “refused” to walk her home *because* of certain reasons. Reasons that he shared with you, but maybe he didn’t share it with her the same way. There’s a good chance that in a moment of “there’s no way I can sleep with this chick, so what’s the point?” he gave her sour energy stemming from the sourness of him not being able to hit his target.

    So instead of being a gentleman, walking her the rest of the way while enjoying *the moment*, he walked away with his “being-a-big-baby-because-he-didn’t-get-what-he-wanted” energy.

    And now to protect his ego, he would tell YOU about what happened but from a perspective that he could have NEVER been in the wrong, stating facts and positioning statements so that you take his side of things (which you should naturally feel obligated to do because of your friendship).

    There’s nothing wrong with a married woman enjoying the company of another man. They hadn’t slept together yet. And I would agree that the hand-holding thing is speculative, no relationship had been established.

    And there was alcohol involved!

    Your friend displayed the characteristics of a “boy”. The developed spirit of a GENTLEMAN would have accepted the situation for what it was, kept a vulnerable member of the pack safe until she returned to her hut, and then later down the road enjoyed the fuits of her speaking very highly of him to her sexy single friends.

    He thought only of himself, which I’m sure he made very obvious to her (though told you in such a way that it would make her out to look like the bad guy), and now he’s reaping what he’s sown.

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